Noise
by Kite kcc
Summary: A Kazuma and Tsubasa story: Part 1: The Saddest Noise - when feelings change; Part 2: The Sweetest Noise - when true feelings are discovered; Part 3: The Maddest Noise (conclusion) - when true feelings are unveiled.
1. The Saddest Noise

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Noise

A Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou Fan Fiction

by: KCC

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An ear can break a human heart

As quickly as a spear;

We wish the ear had not a heart

So dangerously near.

-Emily Dickinson, "The Saddest Noise, the Sweetest Noise"

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Disclaimer:

Rights to Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou belong to Masami Tsuda (manga), Hideaki Anno (anime) of Gainax and Right Stuff (anime - US release).

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Spoiler Warnings:

This fanfic is inspired by (what will be) Volume 11 of the tankubon. 

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Note:

Words and phrases in _italics_ = thoughts

***

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Part One: The Saddest Noise

He didn't notice the young girl standing a few feet away from him. He didn't hear the angry words she was saying. He didn't hear the door slam shut behind the girl. All he heard was the music. It surged and coated every inch of his consciousness. He was lost in it -- lost in the sensation his fingers felt as he strummed his guitar; lost in the melody that seeped into his head. 

In a moment of creative exhilaration, he took out his journal and started to write,

music that swallows you whole

and swirls you around

coating each part of you with jazzy enzymes

that breaks you down

and crumbles whatever resistance you have to it

it is music that dances in your soul

and leaves you in a state

of breathless agitation

Only after he had written of his soul did he allow himself to become part of reality once again. He looked around his room. _I could have sworn I heard Tsubasa come in._ He saw that the poster that was once hanging on the door now on the floor -- this only happened when someone slams the door. He frowned. _Tsubasa._

Kazuma raked his fingers through his hair. _I wonder how long she was here._ He decided to go look for her. He felt slightly guilty about ignoring her. _This isn't the first time this happened._ He and Tsubasa had gotten into many arguments about his sudden change of attitude towards her. _My feelings for her haven't changed. It is still as strong as it has always been. It's what I feel for music that has gotten stronger and deeper._

He checked her room first -- her sanctuary; the only other place in the world where she was completely herself. He went downstairs to the kitchen. _She's probably baking bread to cool her temper._ She wasn't there either. He started to worry. During the other occasions, he'd have found and soothed her by now. _If she isn't in the garden..._ He hurriedly went outside, hoping to find her tending to her potted plants. She wasn't there. _This is bad._

***

Tsubasa tried not to cry. It would be terribly embarrassing if she suddenly burst out into tears inside the subway station -- not that she hadn't done it before. _How could he?_ She took deep breaths -- as if to rid herself of the heaviness in her heart. She got in line to board the train. _Yukino will know what to do._

The first time she had decided to run away, she knew that Yukino would be able to help her. Tsubasa hadn't known Yukino too well then, but she had sensed her wisdom and perceptiveness. _She'll help me again._ She clutched her duffel bag closer. _I should call Dad and tell him not to worry._

On the train to Yukino's house, she looked out of the window and watched the hazy shapes of the world go by her. _That's what I am to him right now, a blur._ She bitterly thought.

***

Yukino was surprised to hear Kazuma's voice over the telephone. "No, she isn't here with me. Have you tried calling Tsubaki?"

He was silent for a moment. Yukino was the last person on his list. He had called everyone else. _Where is she?_ "I have. She isn't there."

Yukino could hear Kazuma's frustration. "Are you okay?" Yukino's attention was divided between Kazuma and the doorbell that was buzzing incessantly. "Um-- I have to go see who that is."

"Okay. Thank you."

She opened the gate and found her friend looking so miserable. The duffel bag on the ground beside her. Yukino looked at Tsubasa and then bent over to get the bag. "Come in."

"Thank you," Tsubasa whispered -- unable to hide the sadness in her voice.

"I had just gotten off the phone with Kazuma."

Silence.

"He's looking for you."

Silence.

"He sounds really worried."

"A little too late to feel that." 

__

Sarcasm. This is serious. She gave Tsubasa a sympathetic smile. "I'm sure it isn't that bad maybe--"

"He seems to think so." The tears she had struggled to control now fell freely on her cheeks. She didn't care if she looked pitiable -- she knew that Yukino would understand. "He doesn't care about me anymore." 

Yukino allowed Tsubasa to cry. She knew it would make her feel better after. "Tsubasa, would you like to talk to Souichiro? Maybe he can help."

Tsubasa shook her head. "No! I hate men! They always find something or someone better than me and then leave me! Look at my papa and now Kazuma! I really hate them!"

Yukino judged from Tsubasa's vehemence that this was something she felt very strongly about. She racked her brain, thinking of something to say but the words eluded her. Instead, she stroked Tsubasa's back and gently patted her shoulder -- trying to comfort her. 

"Can I sleep here for the night? I don't want to be in a house where I'm being ignored and taken for granted all the time." 

"Um-- I guess you can. But you should call your Dad to ask permission."

"I've already done that. I left a message at his office."

Yukino ushered Tsubasa into her bedroom. _I wonder what the problem is_. She knew she had to wait until Tsubasa was ready to tell her.

It was over iced tea and cookies that Tsubasa revealed her problem. 

"He loves music more than he loves me."

Yukino knew that Tsubasa shared a special relationship with her stepbrother. She knew how much happier Tsubasa was when she was with Kazuma.

"He's distant, but he tries to pretend that he isn't. He thinks that, by buying stuff for me, I wouldn't notice it."

Very few people knew about Tsubasa's perceptiveness. She rarely revealed her emotions and opinions to other people.

"I was standing there for ten minutes and he didn't notice me. He didn't even realize I was there. I yelled at him, but he didn't even hear me." Tsubasa started crying again. "How do I compete with that? How?" Tsubasa knew that she could never win against Kazuma's love for music. The realization made her heart feel even heavier. "Am I always going to lose the ones I love?"

***

That night, Yukino waited until Tsubasa was asleep. She tiptoed out of her room and picked up the phone. She dialed the Shibahime's phone number.

"Hello?"

Yukino breathed a sigh of relief when she heard the familiar voice. "Kazuma, this is Yukino. She's here."

"Dad told me when he got home this afternoon." He was quiet for a minute. "Can I talk to her?"

"Um-- she's sleeping." Yukino's concern for her friend won over her resolve not to interfere in other people's business. "I don't mean to interfere but, do you know the reason why she ran away this time?"

"I-- uh-- damn it, this is hard to say--"

"You don't have to tell me. I just wanted to find out if you--"

"Lately, she's been complaining about my inattention. She claims I ignore her most of the time." Kazuma paused. "It's just that, my music has been-- I really don't know how to explain it to you."

"I'm not the person who needs the explanation."

"I know." She could hear him drum his fingers and waited for him to speak. "Do you think I can come by early tomorrow morning?"

"Let me give you my address..."

***

Tsubasa wasn't asleep when Yukino left the room. She listened quietly to the faint sounds outside -- heard Yukino murmur quietly. _She's probably talking to Kazuma._ Tsubasa knew that Yukino had her best interests at heart and it touched her. When she heard Yukino approach the room, she closed her eyes -- feigning sleep. 

She waited until Yukino had settled comfortably in the futon beside her and said, "I'm not going back with him tomorrow, you know."

Yukino leaned on one elbow and faced Tsubasa. "He really sounded worried. I'm sure the two of you can work this out tomorrow."

"You're so lucky to have Arima."

"You have him, too. You have all of us, Tsubasa. We all care about you."

"But not in the way that I need."

__

Love. Yukino understood Tsubasa's feelings. She had Arima; Tsubaki and Tonami were very happy together. Tsubasa and Kazuma were... "Everything will turn out right, don't worry." She lay back down and closed her eyes. _For Tsubasa's sake, I hope I'm right."_

***

Yukino and Tsubasa were awakened the next day by a loud scream. Yukino rubbed her eyes and tried to find out who it was. Her eyes widened and she frantically got out of bed. _Father._ She opened the door to her room and found her dad standing at the entrance hall hyperventilating.

"Miyako! There is a strange man in the house!"

"Hiro, calm down! It's only Tsubasa's younger brother."

"Younger brother?! Look at his hair!!" 

Yukino giggled as she listened to her father sputter and trip over his words.

"Is that a skull necklace?! How can a sweet girl like Tsubasa have such a punk for a brother." Hiroyuki Miyazawa tugged at his hair. "This guy is even worse than that Asapin!"

Tsukino and Kano sleepily made their way to their father's side. They visibly livened up when they saw who their visitor was.

"Dad, it's the lead singer of YinYang!"

"That really famous rock band that performed at Yukino's Cultural Festival."

The younger Miyazawas had thought their explanation would calm their father down. They were wrong.

"Yaah! Even worse! A rocker! A punk!" Hiroyuki Miyazawa had never felt such panic before. He had 5 women in his house to protect. He pushed his younger daughters behind him. "Tsukino, Kano, stay back! I will protect you."

Kazuma patiently waited for Mr. Miyazawa to stop raving. He was secretly amused by this man's show of protectiveness. He glanced at a familiar figure approaching the man in front of him and smiled.

"Dad, it's okay. He's here for Tsubasa." Yukino gave Kazuma an apologetic look. "Sorry you had to see that. My father can be really high strung about these things."

"Yes, I apologize for my husband. He isn't house-trained yet." Yukino's mother placed a pair of slippers in front of Kazuma. "I'll have to send him to obedience school soon."

Tsukino and Kano giggled.

"Please come in." Yukino's mother showed Kazuma into the living room.

"Thank you. I really appreciate the--"

"What are you doing here?"

The household suddenly became quiet. They all waited for someone to say something.

Kazuma moved closer to Tsubasa, but stopped when Tsubasa raised a hand to halt him. "Isn't it obvious why I'm here?"

Tsubasa crossed her arms and glared at him. 

Kazuma glared back. Unlike most people, he didn't buy into Tsubasa's act.

"I'm not going home to a place where I am constantly ignored and taken for granted."

It was as though they were the only people in the room -- eyes focused squarely on each other. The Miyazawas quietly went to the kitchen and left the two to settle their dispute.

"Look, I'm sorry for whatever it is that you think I did wrong."

Tsubasa snorted and took two steps towards him. Kazuma backed up.

"I stood there for 10 minutes. You were too enraptured by your music that you didn't notice me."

Kazuma didn't know what to say. It was true -- he had ignored her.

"I've noticed that happening more often." She took a few more steps until she was a breath away from him.

"I can't compete with that. I don't want to lose you, but I don't think you even care if I fight for you or not."

"I do care." Kazuma grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. "I do. You have to have more faith in me."

"But you care more about your music now."

When he didn't say anything, she knew she was right. "Let me go. I understand. You don't have to say anything." She pried his hands away from her shoulders and turned to go back to the room.

__

Say something. Don't let her walk away. "You're the most important person to me in the world."

If she heard him, she didn't show it. She continued walking back into the room and collapsed on the futon, crying.

Yukino stepped in after a few minutes. She knelt down beside her friend and gently placed a hand on her back. 

"Tsubasa, he's still outside."

"Let him go home. Tell him he should be thankful I won't be around to bother him anymore." Though her voice was muffled by her tears, each word was uttered pointedly -- her emotion clear.

Outside, Kazuma was thinking about what he should have done. He knew she was in the room crying and he hated himself for being the cause of her tears. With a firm resolve, he approached the room. He was about to slide the door open when he heard what Tsubasa said. He sighed and opened the door to face a surprised Yukino.

"Kazuma, I don't think you should be here. My father is going to be very upset that you're inside my room."

Kazuma ignored Yukino. He knelt beside Tsubasa and gathered her in his arms. She tried to struggle at first, but gave in when he wouldn't yield.

As he was cradling her, he said, "You matter so much to me, Tsubasa Shibahime. You matter to me because you are my sister... and more." He kissed the top of her head, felt her hiccup as her tears subsided. 

"It hurts so much when I see that I am slowly losing you." 

"You'll never lose me."

She tilted her head back so she could look at him. "But I already have." 

Kazuma moved to brush away the tears that had welled in her eyes.

"No, don't. It's so hard. Don't pretend to care. Just -- don't." She pulled away.

Yukino was silently listening to the two of them. She knew how Tsubasa felt -- knew how because she, too, would feel the same if she ever lost Arima. _Souichiro._ She tried to understand Kazuma and Tsubasa's problem; tried to find a compromise. She couldn't think of one.

Knowing that this was going nowhere, Tsubasa turned away from Kazuma. "Go home, Kazuma. I'll go home when I'm ready." 

Kazuma knew she was right. He didn't try to convince her anymore. He knew that her hurt was still fresh and her emotions still raw. He stood up and left. Before closing the door behind him, he turned to look at her. "What I felt for you then is still what I feel for you now. Don't ever forget that."

She nodded and watched him go. She heard Yukino's mother usher Kazuma to the door, heard her say encouraging words to her brother. 

"Am I wrong?" 

Yukino sighed. "I don't know." 

"What would you have done?"

Yukino answered earnestly, "I don't know."

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End of Part One

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Author's Notes:

  1. I got the title of this fanfic from this Emily Dickinson poem. The first stanza of the poem goes:
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The saddest noise, the sweetest noise,

The maddest noise that grows,

The birds, they make it in the spring,

At night's delicious close

The stanza at the beginning of this fic is the last stanza of said poem. I just love this poem. It made me cry the first few times that I read it. *sigh*

  2. Part Two will be called "The Sweetest Noise". It'll probably be done by the end of the month or early April. The last part will be called "The Maddest Noise".
  3. The poem that Kazuma "wrote" in the early part of this fanfic is a poem I wrote about a really funky jazz band that I'm a big fan of.
  4. I'd love to hear how you guys think this will end. =)


	2. The Sweetest Noise

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Part Two: The Sweetest Noise

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Disclaimer:

Rights to Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou belong to Masami Tsuda (manga), Hideaki Anno (anime) of Gainax and Right Stuff (anime - US release).

****

Spoiler Warnings:

This fanfic is inspired by (what will be) Volume 11 of the tankubon. 

****

Note:

Words and phrases in _italics_ = thoughts

***

Tsubaki didn't understand why everyone in the normally cheerful Miyazawa household was somber. 

"Did someone die?" She whispered to Kano.

Kano shook her head. 

"Kazuma just left. Tsubasa and Yukino are in the room."

It was explanation enough. 

Tsubaki wasn't sure how she would handle the situation. She had thought the problem would be solved and Tsubasa would now be packing her things and getting ready to go home. 

She glanced at her watch. _Good thing I decided to leave the house earlier._ She was planning to meet Tonami after stopping by to check on Yukino and Tsubasa. 

Tsubaki could hear Yukino's voice through the door. She could also hear muffled sobbing. She sighed and slid the door open.

"Tsubaki! Thank God you're here." Yukino could not hide her relief.

Tsubasa wiped away her tears and looked at her oldest, closest friend loom over her. "You can't make me go home."

Tsubaki resisted the urge to lecture and wag her finger at Tsubasa. _It looks like this is affecting her more seriously than expected._

"I was wondering if you would like to go out with Tonami and me."

This was not what Tsubasa expected. "What did you say?"

Tsubaki walked over to the window and pulled the curtains apart. She squinted a little as the bright sun streamed into the room. "It's a beautiful day. I'm meeting Tonami in an hour. We're going to the park." She turned to Yukino. "You can call Arima and tell him to join us."

Yukino understood what Tsubaki's plan was. _Why hadn't I thought of this?_ "Okay. I think he doesn't have kendo practice this morning." 

"Invite Asaba, too. Aya and Rika can't make it, though. Aya is busy writing a novel and Rika is preparing a cake for her mother's party tonight." 

Tsubaki went over to Tsubasa. "You -- take a bath and change out of your pajamas. I'm sure you brought extra clothes with you." She pulled Tsubasa up and nudged her towards the direction of the bathroom. "Hurry up. Yukinon will want to bathe too, you know."

***

Tonami Takefumi was planning on spending a quiet Saturday afternoon with his girlfriend. He grumbled a bit when people started showing up at his house. Tsubaki poked him in the ribs -- a silent command for him to stop grumbling. He put his arm around her shoulder and squeezed her tight to keep her from poking him again.

He was glad that Tsubaki decided to help Tsubasa forget about her problem and was secretly proud of her initiative.

They had decided to go to the park to watch a skateboarding exhibition -- hoping that it would cheer Tsubasa. 

Skateboarding was one of Tsubasa's favorite activities. She used to skateboard and do stunts until she got into an accident before the start of the school year. Now, she only enjoys the sport from the sidelines.

"Now, Shibahime. I don't want to see you cry today. Okay?" Arima patted Tsubasa's head, as was his habit. 

Tsubasa nodded. She wasn't really paying attention to what Arima was saying. Her thoughts were elsewhere.

"Arima, worry about impressing and entertaining Yukino. I'll take care of Tsubasa." Asapin announced as he took hold of Tsubasa's hand. He winked at her and gave her his most heart-melting smile.

Arima's eyes widened at Asaba Hideaki's suggestion. He was about to shout at his friend when Yukino pulled at his arm.

"Let Asapin take care of Tsubasa today. She doesn't need to be mothered or treated like a child. Asapin will know what to do."

"You're right." Arima smiled at his girlfriend and leaned over to give her a peck on the cheek.

"Hey, not in public you two!" Tsubaki jokingly shouted. Tonami's chuckled and half-heartedly tried to cover Tsubaki's mouth with his hand, which she in turn bit.

***

Kazuma grumbled and cursed all the way to his house. He ignored the concerned look on his mother's face when he entered the house. 

He didn't realize it, but he went straight to Tsubasa's room and slammed the door behind him.

He started to pace the length of the room. _Damn her. Why is she making this so difficult for me?_ Only when he kicked the stuffed teddy bear did her realize where he was. _How did I get here?_

He breathed in the scent of the room -- a familiar scent. It was a mixture of Tsubasa's perfume and soap. He sat on the edge of her bed, afraid to disturb the stuffed animals arranged neatly on it. He breathed in the scent again. _Tsubasa._

He lay back, oblivious to the squeak and thump the stuffed animals made as they fell to the floor. He closed his eyes. _I need her back._ Emotional exhaustion and lack of sleep from the night before set in, before he knew it, he was sound asleep.

***

Tsubaki sneaked a glance over to where Asapin and Tsubasa were seated. Asapin was making funny faces and giving ridiculous commentaries about the skateboarders and Tsubasa was laughing. 

Tsubaki was relieved to see her friend laugh. She made a mental note to treat herself to ice cream and cake later. _I did well today._ She leaned her head on Tonami's shoulder and sighed in contentment.

"This was a good idea. You did well today." Tonami whispered and kissed the top of Tsubaki's head. 

Tsubaki smiled and wrapped her arms around Tonami. "I was just thinking that."

"A far cry from how you helped me when we were younger." Tonami couldn't help but tease his girlfriend. 

"I wasn't that bad." 

"Yes, you were but I loved you anyway." Tonami placed his arm around her waist and gave her a squeeze. "And I love you now."

***

Tsubasa initially resisted Asaba's charms. She tried to hold in her laughter and maintain a bored look throughout the exhibition. _They're not going to make me forget about my problem that easily._ But after the first ten minutes in Asaba's company, she began to understand why the women liked him so much. He was very solicitous and good-natured. She genuinely enjoyed being with him. 

"Hey, Tsubasa. Want some more ice cream? We still haven't tried the butter pecan."

She giggled. Earlier, Asaba had announced that they would try all 101 flavors of ice cream from the park's ice cream stand. They had already tried 50. 

"I think I'll pass."

"You sure? We only have 51 flavors to go." Asaba glanced at his watch. "And we still have enough time to eat."

She shook her head emphatically.

"Well, I guess we can eat the other 51 some other time."

Somehow, the prospect of another day with Asaba didn't sound that bad. "Yeah, some other time."

They quietly watched the rest of the exhibition. Tsubasa would gasp in excitement now and then when a skater performed a daredevil stunt.

During the intermission, Yukino and Arima decided to take a walk and stretch their legs. Tonami and Tsubaki went to buy some food from the nearby convenience store.

Tsubasa and Asaba sat in companionable silence. Some girls had gathered around Asaba and declared their admiration for him. Asaba graciously accepted their compliments, but looked terribly embarrassed. 

Tsubasa waited until the girls left. "Don't you ever get tired of their attention?"

Asaba gave an exaggerated groan.

"I'm serious. You do realize they only admire what they see on the surface."

Asaba hadn't known how discerning Tsubasa was. "I know." He said earnestly. He leaned back and rested on his elbows -- watched the clouds change shape and parade pass him. "But I also know how much courage it takes to admit to someone how you feel about them. I respect that, which is why I'm polite to them. I don't want to hurt their feelings, you know."

Tsubasa's eyes widened. She hadn't expected Asaba to be this deep thinking.

"And besides, how can I complete my merryland if I don't gather more women?" He gave Tsubasa a mischievous look.

Tsubasa laughed. She copied his pose and looked up at the clouds. She pointed at one of them and said, "That one looks like Yukino's dog."

"Hey, Tsubasa?"

Tsubasa turned to look at Asaba.

"I don't really know Kazuma that well, but he seems like a really nice guy. I know he honestly cares about you."

Tsubasa snorted.

"I just hope you give him time to work things out for himself. It isn't every day that opportunity like his band has been given happens, you know."

"I know." Tsubasa sat up and started wringing her hands. "But I just wish he'd pay a little attention to me. Even though I know how he feels about me, I need to hear the words, too... sometimes."

"But he does tell you."

Tsubasa gave Asaba a confused look. "How would you know?"

"He does it through his music." Asaba sat up and placed a hand on Tsubasa's shoulder. "Remember that night when we all went to their gig? If you listened closely, you'd have known he was singing to you."

"Yeah right--"

"You left before the show was over. He looked for you after and he was a little upset when he found out you had left already."

Asaba knew the exact moment Tsubasa became enlightened. He patted her on the shoulder. "You should listen more closely." 

Tsubasa's eyes welled with tears. "I hadn't realized that. All this time..." She took the handkerchief that Asaba offered and started wiping the tears. She started twisting the handkerchief.

Asaba smiled and patted her on the head. "Now how about that ice cream?"

***

The nap had cleared his mind considerably. He left Tsubasa's room after he fixed the mess he made and went straight to his room.

It was an odd feeling to be in his room and not have Tsubasa knock on his door asking to come in. He had gotten so used to having her around him. _Like air._

He looked at his calendar and realized his band had a gig that night. Somehow, the idea of playing music didn't excite him as much as it usually did. The thought bothered him. 

Tsubasa's scent still clung to his memory. He remembered the first time he saw her. He had mistaken her for someone much younger, when she was, in fact, older than he was. He smiled as he recalled her reaction.

__

She has always been honest about her feelings... even then, when she still didn't know me. He stared at the ceiling -- hoping that some kind of miracle or plan would fall from the sky. 

He stared for a long time. _Why can't I be honest about her?_ He frowned. He didn't know what his honest feelings for her were.

He stood up and went to his desk to take out his journal. It was his way of making sense of things -- somehow, while writing down his thoughts, things always became clearer.

Minutes later, he was still tapping the pen -- nothing came to mind. He couldn't write. _I need to be near her._ He went back to Tsubasa's room.

He went straight to her desk and sat down with his journal. 

He looked at the pictures she inserted under the glass counter. He had never noticed them before. There was a picture of him during her school's annual cultural festival. There was a picture of them on the boat in Tokyo. He smiled as he remembered the song he and Tsubasa sang so that they could make money for the boat fare.

__

Tsubasa. With her in mind, he started writing -- unwittingly humming that same song they had sung together in Tokyo.

***

While walking home, Yukino noticed the change in Tsubasa's demeanor. She was visibly more cheerful and was animatedly chatting with Arima.

"You were so sweet to cheer her up, Asapin." 

"You know me -- can't resist women and can't be resisted by them either."

Yukino reached out and gently squeezed his arm. "Thank you."

Asaba glanced down at his best friend's girlfriend. "You're welcome." He called out to Arima and Tsubasa. "Hey, Arima! Why are you in such a hurry? Treat us to some drinks. I'm thirsty! Hey, Tsubasa, why don't you leave that boring person and come here."

The empty streets filled with the laughter of three people and the playful protests of one.

***

"Well, princess, just let me know when we're going to eat the remaining 49 flavors. I'm looking forward to trying the banana nut."

Tsubasa leaned on the Miyazawa gate and pretended to consider the invitation. "I'll have to check if my busy schedule would permit it."

Asaba laughed. "Well, just let me know." He turned to Yukino and Arima. "Hey, lovebirds, say goodbye already. I'm hungry and Arima is going to treat me to some sushi."

Tsubasa laughed and waited for Arima and Yukino to finish their conversation. She squatted on the ground as Yukino waved goodbye to Arima and Asaba.

When they got in, Yukino's mom offered them some warm tea that they gratefully accepted.

Yukino sat across the dining table from Tsubasa. She breathed in the aroma of the green tea that her mom had prepared.

"Hey, Yukino?"

"What is it, Tsubasa?"

"I've thanked Tsubaki and Asaba for today. I haven't thanked you yet."

Yukino reached over and took hold of Tsubasa's hand. "I'm glad you're feeling better now."

"I never expected Asaba Hideaki to be so..." She searched for the right word.

"Thoughtful? Generous? Funny?" 

"All of those, actually. He isn't just a handsome face."

Yukino nearly choked on her tea. "Handsome?! Asapin?!" She rubbed her chin. "I suppose you're right. Half the school seems to think so." She added more seriously. "And the other half is still ogling my Arima." She muttered under her breath.

"I wouldn't worry about that. Arima loves you very much."

Yukino smiled -- her cheeks furiously red. She scratched her head. "I didn't think you'd notice."

Tsubasa took a sip of her tea. "It's quite obvious -- as obvious as Kazuma's feelings for me."

Yukino didn't know if she should say anything. She waited for Tsubasa to continue.

"Asaba pointed that out to me. I was so blind to it." She shook her head -- as though to correct herself. "I was so _deaf_ to it."

"So what do you plan to do now?"

Tsubasa shrugged. "I really don't know." She gently placed the now-empty teacup on the tray. 

"What I do know is that I want to go home tonight."

***

Kazuma couldn't concentrate on his music. He kept thinking about Tsubasa -- not even by playing the new Yinyang song could he erase his worries. His bandmates all cast him worried looks as he continuously missed his cues. 

After the show, each one gave Kazuma a short pep talk. 

"Cheer up, man. Everything will be okay as soon as you talk to her."

He gratefully accepted their encouragement, but his performance tonight kept nagging him. _I wonder why I couldn't concentrate._

He remembered their last gig. He was in his element then. It was the night Tsubasa and her friends decided to watch the show. He remembered the exhilaration he felt then when he was playing for Tsubasa and her friends. _What's missing this time?_

Kazuma packed up his gear and headed home. His shoulders sagged at the thought of being alone in the house.

When he arrived, Kazuma glanced at the clock. His parents had left a note to say that they had to work late. _Guess I'll be making my own dinner tonight._ The thought depressed him. 

It had been a long time since he had to do that for himself. Tsubasa would usually prepare their meals for them.

__

Tsubasa. 

He went to the kitchen and frowned as the smell of curry wafted through the room. 

He approached the kitchen cautiously -- not sure whom he would find there. His breath got caught in his throat as he discovered who it was.

Tsubasa heard him gasp and turned to look at him. "I made curry. Why don't you go set the table for us."

__

Is she really here? Still-in-shock Kazuma could only nod at the request. 

He waited for her in the dining room. His palms were sweaty in anticipation. _I can't mess this up._ He was determined to make things right between him and Tsubasa.

She came in bringing a tray of curry and rice. She placed the dishes in front of him and sat down. They ate in silence -- the clink of the chopsticks hitting the bowl echoed through the room. 

When they had finished eating, he stood and cleaned up the table. She could hear the bowls and plates rattle as they were being handled by nervous hands. 

She sat there, quietly waiting for him to come back from the kitchen. _I can't mess this up._

He returned a few minutes later, wiping his wet hands on the towel he was holding. "I washed the dishes for you."

Silence.

"Mom and Dad won't be home until late."

Silence.

"I'm sure they'd be glad to know that you're--"

"They already know. I called them from Yukino's house." 

"I'm-- I-- uh-- I'm glad you're back." He ran his fingers through his hair -- a nervous habit. "I missed you." _Idiot! That sounded lame. I just saw her this morning. She was only gone for the day and yet..._

He stood and walked towards her. When he was just a few steps away, he reached over and embraced her. "I really did miss you."

He had realized at that moment what it was all along. Tsubasa was the reason for his music. He had told her what was in his heart. It may have sounded silly, but it made perfect sense to him.

Hearing his words, deep inside, she knew he was telling the truth. She knew it to be true. All day long she had felt an void that couldn't be filled by any of her friend's attention. But now, in his arms, she felt the void being filled by him, by his presence, by his words.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "I'm sorry."

He hugged her tighter. "I'm the one who needs to apologize."

She pulled away from him. "Kazuma, there's something I want to say. I gave this a great deal of thought on my way here." She started wringing her hands in nervousness.

He saw the nervous gesture and reached out to close his hands over hers. He waited for her to speak.

"I've been very selfish. I know how much your music means to you and I promise I won't get in your way anymore."

She jerked her hands away from his and cradled his face with them. She tilted his head down so she could look him in the eye. "What matters to me is what makes you happy."

Kazuma touched her hands as they held each side of his face. _This feels so right._ He peered into her green eyes and marveled at the devotion and love he saw there. He leaned down and kissed her forehead.

That action momentarily stunned Tsubasa.

"I wrote something for you. I want you to read it."

"Oh?"

He still held her hand as they went to her room. He led her to the foot of the bed and let her sit as he went over to her desk and got his journal.

"What is your journal doing in my room?"

"I stayed here the whole day. I wanted to be near you."

"Oh." She blushed.

"Here." He handed her his journal -- unopened. _He trusts me._ The realization swept through her and made her feel ... loved.

"It's the last entry. It's just a draft. Tell me if you like it. Ignore the erasures."

She giggled as he rambled. She flipped to the last entry and read.

**__**

To Tsubasa, my muse and my song

How vulnerable you allow yourself to be

loving this angel with the missing wing

Why do you look at the ground and see the sparkle of the moonlight

and think they could be stars?

Where is your bliss?

Have you given it all to me?

Is that what makes me soar, despite my one wing?

I don't deserve it.

All my roads are yellow-bricked.

You make them golden.

She couldn't stop the tears from falling. Her shoulders shook with every hiccup.

"This is so... so beautiful."

He knelt down in front of her and brushed her tears away.

"You deserve it." She managed to say in between sniffs.

She saw that he didn't understand what she meant. 

"You deserve my bliss and everything else that I can't offer but want to."

"And you deserve mine."

***

Author's notes:

1.

Q: How can two people ingest that much ice cream?

A: I can't imagine how. =) 

But Tsubasa, in the anime, seems to have a good appetite (she's always seen eating).

Q: Is there something between Asaba and Tsubasa?

A: Friendship. I know I made it look like there was something going on between them, but it's all very friendly. 

Q: Kazuma and Tsubasa: Isn't that incest?

A: They aren't blood-related. I think it's possible to love someone and not be "physically" involved with him or her.

  1. The poem at the end is a variation of something that I wrote. I altered, deleted and added to the poem to make it suit this fanfic. (The original poem is all about optimism and hope.)

****

"The Maddest Noise" (last part of this fic) is coming soon! ;-)


	3. The Maddest Noise

****

Part Three: The Maddest Noise

***

****

Disclaimer:

Rights to Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou belong to Masami Tsuda (manga), Hideaki Anno (anime) of Gainax and Right Stuff (anime - US release).

****

Spoiler Warnings:

This fanfic is inspired by (what will be) Volume 11 of the tankubon. 

****

Note:

Words and phrases in _italics_ = thoughts

***

Kazuma stared at his reflection in the mirror. He inhaled deeply -- bracing himself for what he was about to do. 

He was finally going to make his mother very happy. 

He took the tube of gel and squeezed out a good portion of it on his palm. He smoothed the gel over his spiky blond hair. _Hope this works._ He carefully combed his hair while praying that his hair with stay down.

Twenty minutes and with half the contents of the tube of gel, he was impressed with his own handiwork. His hair was parted neatly to one side. 

__

I look like a banker.

He removed his skull necklace and resisted the temptation to wear his leather cuffs with the spikes on them. _The trouble I'm going through._ He gritted his teeth.

***

Hiroyuki Miyazawa stared at the man in front of him. He squinted his eyes, as though to peer more closely. _Something vaguely familiar about this man._ "Who are you?"

"Is Yukino in? I need to talk to her."

__

The blond hair. The scuffed shoes. Where have I seen all this before?

Kazuma waited patiently for Yukino's father to recognize him. 

His own mother's jaw nearly touched the ground when he came out of his room looking the way he did. He ran his finger through the collar of his button-down shirt. _Damned nuisance. A T-shirt is more comfortable._

Hiroyuki Miyazawa's eyes widened when he realized who it was.

"Gyah! Miyako! Miyako! You have to see this! It's that rocker! He's here!" He was frantically pointing his finger at Kazuma. "He looks different! Miyako!"

Kazuma waited for Yukino's father to calm down. 

Hiroyuki Miyazawa relaxed a little. He edged closer to Kazuma. "You clean up pretty well." With a resigned sigh, he opened the gate. "She's in the kitchen with her mom."

"Thank you, sir."

***

Yukino couldn't get over Kazuma's new image. 

"What happened to you? Did you lose a bet or something?"

Kazuma sighed.

"Is this Tsubasa's handiwork? I can scold her, you know."

Kazuma shook his head slowly. "I didn't want to freak your dad out again the way I did the last time." He admitted sheepishly. 

"Do I look that different?" He rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously.

Yukino tilted her head to one side and studied him more closely. "Not really. It's just the shock of it, I guess." She rubbed her chin with her fingers. "My dad freaks out whenever a guy comes over -- regardless of what that guy looks like." 

She adjusted her eyeglasses. "You look pretty good... very preppy."

"My mom was speechless. Good thing Tsubasa wasn't there. She would have teased me."

"I'm glad you and Tsubasa are friends again."

"Yeah, me too. I wanted to thank you for that. That's why I came here."

Yukino waved her hands in front of herself. "No need to thank me. It was the least I could do for a friend."

"Tsubasa's really lucky to have you and everyone else."

"Well, we're lucky to have her." Yukino looked him in the eye. "You're very lucky to have her."

Kazuma knew what she meant. He nodded. "That I am." 

He was silent for a moment -- contemplating what a godsend Tsubasa was to his life. A week ago, he nearly lost her because he couldn't be honest with her about his feelings. "She's very important to me."

Yukino's heart warmed at the sincerity in his voice. She reached across the table and gave his hand a squeeze. "I know."

***

Tonami Takefumi wanted to weep in frustration. _Another weekend. Another weekend -- _"Gone_._"

Sensing what was on his mind, Tsubaki stood on tiptoes and whispered, "I promise you, next weekend, it'll just be you and me."

"That's what you said last weekend." 

Tonami knew he sounded like a spoiled child. He couldn't help it. He had planned to spend the day alone with Tsubaki -- as he did the weekend before. 

Tsubaki tightened her grip on his hand. "Thank you for letting me have my way." She looked up at him and gave him her sweetest smile.

Tonami bent down and kissed her. "You're lucky I love you so much." 

They were in the park once again, watching the skateboarding exhibition with their friends. Tsubasa had called everyone up the night before inviting them for a picnic at the park.

"It's such a beautiful day to be out in the sun."

"I'm surprised Tsubasa was able to convince Aya to come out." Tonami pointed to the blanket where Aya and Rika sat.

Tsubaki looked over and suppressed a giggle. "She needed some sun." 

Although it was summer, Aya was as pale as she always was. It was a startling contrast to all the sun-kissed people around her.

Aya was a writer and spent her days and nights writing articles for magazines and short stories for a local publisher. 

Her last piece was inspired by the events that transpired between Tsubasa and Kazuma over two weeks ago -- it was, as expected, a great success. 

Tsubaki's mouth watered as she watched her friend Rika pull out food from her picnic basket. Rika was an excellent cook and Tsubaki knew, even from a distance, how delicious the food would be. Her heart sank as she eyed the cold sandwiches she had hastily prepared for herself and Tonami earlier that day.

***

Kazuma listened to Tsubasa and Asaba as they discussed the ice cream they ate. He was glad to be able to spend the day with Tsubasa and her friends, but he somehow didn't like the idea of Tsubasa spending so much time with Asaba.

"Hey, Tsubasa. You should try the chunky triple chocolate next time. It really does have three kinds of chocolate in it."

"Maybe we should try their fruit flavors after lunch." Tsubasa turned and offered her ice cream cone to Kazuma. "Want a taste?"

Kazuma distractedly took a small bite off Tsubasa's waffle cone. He eyed Asaba with suspicion and scooted closer to Tsubasa.

"What do you think? Do you like this flavor? Asaba and I tried 51 flavors the last time we were here. We're hoping to try the remaining 50 today."

Kazuma smiled and started rubbing Tsubasa's shoulder. "Won't you feel sick after eating all that ice cream?"

Tsubasa shook her head. "I didn't the last time." She turned to face Asaba. "What about you Asaba?"

"Me? Heh! I had Arima buy me a burger after we dropped you and Yukino off." Asaba started flexing his muscles. "I'm too macho to get sick over ice cream."

Tsubasa giggled and playfully tossed a ball of wadded-up tissue at Asaba's direction. "You clown!"

Kazuma hooked his arm around Tsubasa's shoulder and pulled her closer to him.

The sudden action made Tsubasa momentarily lose her balance. She placed an arm on Kazuma's thigh to steady herself. 

She realized that Kazuma was silent. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Yeah. I just don't like you getting close to that guy."

Tsubasa's eyes widened in surprise. "Asapin? Why? But he's a friend."

Kazuma couldn't explain what he was feeling. "I just don't like it."

Tsubasa shrugged. "If you can't explain it to me then I don't see any reason why I should accept your opinion." She wriggled out of his hold and stood up. "I'm going to go talk to Yukino and the others."

***

"You know I don't like eggs, Yukino. Why did I let you convince me you could prepare our picnic." Arima sighed.

Yukino patted his head. "But egg is good for you. I also brought other things." She waved her hand over the spread in front of them -- chips, cake, sushi.

Arima couldn't help but admire the picnic his girlfriend had prepared for him. "You're so great, Yukino." He crossed his arms over his chest. "But I'm still not eating the eggs."

Yukino giggled at the little-boy tone he used. "Silly Arima, of course you are."

Arima gulped nervously. 

Somehow, he knew his girlfriend was right.

"Where did Maho and Takashi go? Maho said they were eating with us."

Arima looked around the park. "I guess they went for a walk to have some privacy."

"I guess. I can't believe so many people are in the park today."

*** 

"You have very nice friends, Maho."

Maho and Takashi were seated on a park bench overlooking the picnic grounds. 

"You think so?" Maho stopped swinging her legs over the edge of the bench long enough to ask the question.

"Yes. I can see why you enjoy being with them so much."

Maho smiled. She watched her friends talk -- their laughter and voices reaching her. "I enjoy being with you more."

Takashi grinned. From the way Maho's voice lilted, he knew she was being playful with him. It was Maho's way of reminding him to relax and loosen up.

"I should hope so."

Maho giggled at his reply.

There was a wide age gap that separated Maho and Takashi, but it didn't stop Maho from loving him -- and pursuing him. Takashi, wanting to be the responsible adult, tried to resist Maho's charms at first, but he eventually succumbed to the mixture of youthful energy, beauty and earnest love he found in Maho.

"Hey, we're eating with Yukino and Arima."

"That's the cute girl in the floral summer dress, right?"

Maho tried to punch him, but he caught her hand midway. He kissed her knuckles and rubbed her hand to his cheek. "You're beautiful."

Maho wagged a finger at him. "No more comments about my friends, okay? I might get jealous."

Takashi laughed, drew Maho close and embraced her.

***

"Hey, where's Tsubasa? I wanted to show her the kiddie show over there. They have a giant Totoro poster on display and I know she likes them."

"Is that so?" 

Kazuma didn't mean to snap at Asaba, but the idea of Asaba and Tsubasa together just irritated him.

Asaba could sense Kazuma's cold attitude towards him. He'd seen it many times before. 

Arima was extremely possessive of Yukino, as Yukino was of Arima. Arima didn't like it when other guys got close to Yukino. Arima's excuse for his behavior was his love for Yukino. 

This was the first time Hideaki Asaba would be at the receiving end of such an attitude. It amused him -- he had never seen himself as a threat to any relationship despite the fact that women fell for him all the time.

He sat cross-legged beside Kazuma -- ignoring Kazuma's angry glare.

"Tsubasa's not a kid you know. That divine, angelic appearance of hers hides an intellect that sees through people's intentions and desires. Sooner or later, she'll figure it out." Asaba was silent for a moment. "I bet it's sooner rather than later."

"Figure what out?" 

Asaba ignored the sharp tone. "That you're in love with her."

Kazuma found himself robbed of speech. "How... what... you..."

"That's why you can't stand my being close to her."

Kazuma gulped and nodded. _This is why they get along. They are so much alike."_

Asaba shrugged. "You don't have to worry about that. Tsubasa's not a fickle girl. Her heart is set on you already."

"It is?" 

Asaba nodded. "Yep. However much you feel about her, multiply it by ten -- that's how much she loves you."

"She does?"

__

Jeez, I sound like an idiot. Kazuma frowned at Asaba. "Why doesn't she tell me?"

"Probably the same reason why you haven't told her about how you felt."

Kazuma relaxed a little. "You're a very perceptive guy. I never thought you could be so ... deep."

"That's exactly what Tsubasa said about me, too." Asaba stood up and walked away -- leaving Kazuma to think about their conversation.

__

I wonder if I'll ever find a girl who'll make me feel that way. 

***

__

Multiply by ten. Asaba's words rang in Kazuma's mind. He allowed all of it to sink in. _She loves me._ His heart pounded wildly -- the euphoria he felt blazed through him like a fire.

He was too deep in though to realize that Tsubasa had returned.

"Here, I got you something." She tossed him a can and she opened her own can of tomato juice.

Without hesitation, he caught the can. The chill from the can jolted him back to reality. He looked at it -- it was a can of his favorite drink and the very same drink he had during his second encounter with Tsubasa.

"Where's Asaba? I got him one, too."

"He's not here."

Tsubasa snorted. "Well, I can see that." Tsubasa knelt beside him. "What's with you today?" She took a sip from her drink. "You've been very surly to Asaba and very snappish to me."

__

Sooner or later, she'll figure it out. "It's nothing. Thanks for the drink." He popped the tab and gulped down the drink.

They were both quiet for a moment. 

"Kazuma --"

"Tsubasa --"

Kazuma smiled. "You first."

"I never thought I'd see the day when we'd hang out like this again. I thought I had lost you forever." Tsubasa hugged her knees to her chest. 

Kazuma looked at Tsubasa's profile. She had a faraway look in her eyes, but he also saw the tears glinting and threatening to spill. "You'd never lose me. I'd always end up at our home."

Tsubasa smiled. "That's not what I meant, silly."

Kazuma's expression sobered. "I know." He ran his fingers through his hair. "Tsubasa, listen -- I want to tell you something."

Tsubasa stiffened. "What is it?"

"Well -- jeez, there's no easy way to say this. I --" 

"Then just say it."

"Truth is, I was a little jealous of Asaba. That's why --"

"That's why you've been behaving the way that you have." Tsubasa's eyes widened in surprise and sudden insight. "Jealous of Asaba? Why?"

"Because the two of you seem so close and you share so many things with him and he makes you laugh."

Tsubasa didn't know whether to laugh or hit him -- she did both.

"And all I've done to you in the past is make you cry." He reached out and cupped her face in his hands. "I wanted to be the one you shared things with and make you laugh."

Tsubasa was stunned at the intensity of Kazuma's words. She opened her mouth to say something, but she couldn't summon the words.

"The truth is, I think I love you."

"You _think_ you... love... me?"

Kazuma shook his head. "I _know_ I love you." He leaned and kissed her on the forehead.

Tsubasa pried his hands away from her face. She brushed away the stray tears that had fallen.

"See? I'm making you cry again!" Kazuma groaned in frustration.

Tsubasa giggled and flung herself towards him.

He caught her in his embrace.

"I love you more."

__

Multiply it by ten. He listened to her fervent declaration, closed his eyes and savored it.

****

End

***

****

Author's Notes:

When I asked my sister what the "maddest noise" ought to be, she said that I should provide a resolution to Kazuma and Tsubasa's relationship. I hope that's what I've done with this, the last part of my "Noise" stories.

I'm sure you've noticed how Asaba seems to steal the scene. This is because his character fascinates me (both in the anime and manga). He is a fairly complex and perceptive person (and we only get to see bits of it in the anime and a good dose of it in the manga).

"Maddest" here does not mean "insane" or "crazy". It means "very enthusiastic" or "boisterously happy". 


End file.
